Week 2 - FAML 220

There were really good reading for class this week. We studied all sorts of beginnings with parenting.

Some readings were about gender and how it is evident in babies. Male and female brains are put together, or wired differently. The readings focused in on sight and hearing and how boys are different from girls. When these things are considered then we might understand that girls hear better than boys and when looking at something boys are drawn to see things differently. Parenting is effected when I know and understand these principles.

Some of the readings talked about temperament. I thought about how I can balance my own temperament as a parent. I also studied nine points of temperament. Each of these fits into an active or passive temperament, but can also stand on their own.
Activity level
Rhythmicity
Initial response
Adaptability
Sensory threshold
Quality of mood
Intensity of reaction
Distractibility
Persistence and attention span
I rated each of my children to see if I understood where they were at in each area. Some were easy to see, others were harder to judge.

We learned about the 'goodness of fit' when it comes to parenting. Either we can change the child to fit the environment, change the environment to fit the child, or trust what we've taught our children and let them go.

Personally I learned that I cannot compare my children, to each other, or to other children. They are individuals and I need to focus on that more. The DAP (developmentally appropriate practices) help me know how to look at them this way.

We had some readings about Baumrind's parenting styles,
Permissive
Authoritative,
Authoritarian,
and Un-involved.
I enjoyed these readings. I sometimes feel guilty about what I am not doing or doing too much. It has been good to have the reminder of what each of these styles looks like and how they effect children. I can see better what I need to change to help my children in a better way.

FAML 220 - Parenting

FAML 220 is a course I am taking this summer through BYU-I. It is a parenting class and I will journal and post about the things I am learning for my future self.

First off, they reminded us the importance of learning besides trying to get a good grade. It was a good reminder to hear and think about how I can focus more on what I am studying and how to take things into my life. I think I have come up with a couple things I need to do. I will need to pray for help with my learning and to understand what readings I am studying. I will also try to spend a good amount of time studying and pondering about what I read. Having conversations with Patrick or other parents helps me to take more into my life too.

The first week was interesting. I learned about how to tell false from truth. The class was reminded of Uchtdorf's talk about the blind men feeling and trying to explain what an elephant is. We were also told that we are 'purpose masters,' and that we should learn how to 'direct thyself' as the scriptures say. This is part of my job as a parent to teach my children to learn and direct their own lives. 

 

"Finishers Wanted"

President Monson gave a talk once where he spoke about a sign in a furniture store window. The sign read "Finishers Wanted." “In life, as in business, there has always been a need for those persons who could be called finishers. Their ranks are few, their opportunities many, their contributions great.”  He then taught six marks of a finisher and said that they were vital to our success. 

Mark of vision. 

Mark of effort. 

Mark of faith. 

Mark of virtue.

Mark of courage.

Mark of prayer.

I might suggest that when thinking about the future, when contemplating what your plans are and what God’s plans might be for you, you think about each of these marks. Is there an area you are struggling with? Are they a part of you? How can others’ lives be affected when they see these marks in you?

Jim Ritchie from the Launching Leaders series for my B183 course stated, "Most people fail in life because they do not understand how to balance their roles and responsibilities." I might add also because they do not have enough faith in themselves or their Heavenly Father. I believe that one must understand who they are and what they are required to do. Yes, we each have responsibilities that we must fulfill. As parents, friends, homeowners, employees, business people, or members of a religion. But I also firmly believe that there is so much more to life than the drudgery of what is expected of us. So many people settle for where they just end up, there is more than this. God put us here to learn and grow. The prophets have said that He is willing to hand over everything He has to us. I want to be worthy of all of that. I don't know exactly why I am in school or what I will do with my degree, but I know God is leading my life. I know that he is helping me to understand that his vision of my capabilities is greater than my own. There must be trust between us. I must have faith in the path that is under my feet and the person I am following. Then I can more fully understand my roles and responsibilities in each facet of life, and I will have the strength to reach this greater destination. I will count myself successful. I will be a finisher!

Attitude On Money

I had small jobs throughout the first years of marriage and when the babies started coming. There was usually an extra few dollars for me to spend on groceries or things for the home. As I prepared to have our fifth child things changed. I didn't work anymore. Months after sweet pea was born, I was grocery shopping at the store. As I soothed my baby and pushed the shopping cart around I was overcome by the prices of food and the calculations going on in my head. Maybe I was hormonal, maybe I felt like I wasn't contributing monetarily anymore, maybe I worried about feeding and providing for our five growing children. I grew hot and dizzy. I froze momentarily trying to discern my emotions. This must be what anxiety can do to someone. It was crippling. My initial reaction was to run, grab my bag and baby and get out. Not wanting to make a scene I tried to take deep breaths and remain calm. It was difficult to convince myself that I was ok. My husband had a very good job. We had enough money to pay for the food we eat and the home we live in. This was a realization that money and I have had a rocky past with many fears involved. Since my minor attack, I have coped with these emotions by reminding myself of the great blessings given to me. We have wonderful stores that provide a variety of food and non-food items. We budget so that there is enough money for food and the necessities of life. My husband is a wonderful loving father who strives to care for his children and makes it so I can be a stay-at-home mother. Telling myself that it is a blessing to have money and be able to take care of our needs helps me to have a better attitude about earning, saving, and spending money. 

I use money almost everyday. Through my experience I have learned that I need to view money as a helpful part of life. I was reminded recently of the story in the bible, "The Good Samaritan." Money made it possible for the Samaritan to care for the injured man. He already had things to put on and bind up his wounds then, he had money to later bring to the host repaying him what was used to care for the injured man.

In "Attitude on Money" an article by Stephen W. Gibson it gives us a few rules to live by when it comes to money. 

Rule 1. Seek the Lord and have hope in him
Rule 2. Keep the commandments, that includes the temporal ones, tithing and fast offerings.
Rule 3. Think about money and plan how you can become self-reliant.
Rule 4. Take advantage of chances for learning so you will not be ignorant of these matters. Education, as President Hinckley has taught us, is the Key to Opportunity.
Rule 5. Learn the laws upon which the blessings of wealth are predicated.
Rule 6. Do not send away the naked, the hungry, the thirsty or the sick or those who are held captive.
 

Be a 100 Percenter!

N. Eldon Tanner told a story about a grandson that chose to keep the sabbath day holy and go to church. This grandson was proud of himself and made this choice for some time. He told his grandfather that he had been a 100 percenter. His grandfather then promised the deacon age young man that he would pay for his mission if he continued to be a 100 percenter until that time. The boy never missed a sunday.

I appreciate the rest the sabbath day gives me. It is already a habit to attend church. This story makes me wonder about other areas of my life that are important. How can I remain a 100 percenter when it comes to these? I want to be able to say I'm a 100 percenter when it comes to other qualities such as integrity, honesty, kindness, and confidence. I worry that I postpone working on these qualities because I need money. Often I think about the good I could do if I were able to buy more or pay for more. At one point I would list to myself the things I wish I could do with the money I didn't have. I have realized the Lord does not expect me to earn money, he expects me to serve others now with what I have.

DC 64:34 says,

33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind;   

Begin with the End in Mind -Stephen R. Covey

Life is filled with choices. When I focus on where I want to go in the future, then I will already know the choices I need to make right now. I've learned a concept about our stars and stepping stones. Stars are the goals I want to accomplish and the stepping stones are the steps I need to take to get to my stars. Ethical guardrails are the daily choices we make that keep us on track.

The Last Lecture is a book by Randy Pausch. It is one of my favorites. He gave many great lessons and insights into life in an entertaining way. Looking over notes for my entrepreneurship class this week I realize I wrote down lots about the work that needs to be done. Randy Pausch talks about the brick walls. "They are there to prove how badly you want something." I'll have to remember that because I know that those walls come. Having a positive outlook and knowing my stepping stones to get to the end will help me make it over or around those walls.

Randy Pausch was able to achieve so many of his childhood dreams because he was optimistic. He knew there would be work and he was willing to do whatever it took to get there. He held fast to the dreams he had and accomplished many of them. This is important because the dreams we have as a child are connected to what is in our hearts. It is a decipher of what will be most important to us. My main dream as a child was to be a mother and I have achieved this. When I look at my children I feel so blessed. Being a mother is so much better than I ever imagined. Another dream I had was to be a movie star. That will never happen. I was in plays and drama for years, I even got a scholarship for college, but when I started college things were different. I didn't participate like I should have. Regrettably I lost my scholarship. Looking back I learned great skills from my drama classes and the performances I participated in. I learned stage, communication, public speaking, memorizing and appearance skills were important in many aspects of life. Randy Pausch also said that, "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." Drama wasn't the right place for me, but I learned a lot. Now I am glad it didn't work out because I wouldn't be where I am today if it had.

In the Beginning

I was reading in the scriptures the other day, Alma 32. Alma is teaching about comparing the word to a seed. In verse 42-43 he says,
42 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.
43 Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.
These verses show that by our faith and diligence great things can come. It would be good to consider the time involved. Alma says by and by and he also uses the word long-suffering. Enjoying the fruits of our labor in not immediate. Alternately today I read Alma chapter 37, Alma is speaking to his son  Helaman. Verse 41 says,
41 Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey;
This scripture gives me the opposite understanding. What happens without faith and diligence? Progression stops and good and marvelous works cease. These are things to be aware of.

It is always interesting to me when I study similar principles at the same time. The Lord has an interesting way of helping us learn. In my class studies this week Elder Bednar touches on faith and diligence. "My purpose today is to admonish you to use your academic opportunities to the fullest and to avoid at all costs the academic path of least resistance.  Specifically, I challenge you as a student at [BYU-I] to be diligent in both your spiritual and academic pursuits." This quote embodies what I need to do as a student and I hope that I can live up to Elder Bednar's desire for me. He promises later in his talk that the ability to have a disciplined mind helps us reason, evaluate, and discern and that these skills are essential for a happy, spiritual, and productive life. I do see the importance of changing and the good that can come from these principles.

Elder Bednar added, "In these latter days much more is required of us as children of the covenant than our money and substance.  As the Church spreads throughout the world in a rapidly changing and complex information age, may I suggest that we must consecrate unto the Lord both a faithful heart and a strong mind—a mind capable of learning and instruction and discipline and receiving revelation." I hope and pray for the guidance to have a faithful heart and strong mind for myself so that I may one day enjoy the 'fruit thereof.'