Week 3 - FAML 220

Whew, this week was a lot. I read a good part of two books.

Mindset by Carol Dweck and
Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute

They were both very powerful. Mindset helps me see the difference between having a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. As I read, I started seeing these mindsets pop up everywhere and I could see the effect of them.
Fixed Mindset: Brigham had his first soccer practice. The coach ran the kids hard playing games and they were dripping sweat at the end of practice. I was impressed. Then the coach had a short parent meeting. He went over everything from the uniform to the treat schedule. At the end, he started talking about the SWAT teams and how they have played for years with each other and are really very good. With all the boys listening he added, because of this, they would never win. Don't ever expect to win. I was so sad for these boys. I know the coach's thoughts were coming from a well-meaning place, but he just fixed it in their mind it doesn't matter how hard they try.
Growth Mindset: Franklin was asked to ride his bike to the small store down the street to buy a drink for a plumber friend who had done some work for us. He got home happily pulling out the drink only to find out he bought the wrong thing. He was sorrowful and felt some guilt over the experience. His father and the plumber praised his effort and willingness. This would help him realize those are important pieces for a life of success.The book about mindset teaches to praise effort not ability. Then we can link effort to success and children won't give up on things because they know effort will get them there.
With my Zoom group we talked about things that we each have wanted to stop doing but how having a growth mindset keeps us going. I know with school and parenting this is very important. A growth mindset helps me continue to keep trying and keep doing better every day.

The Anatomy of Peace is a good book that explores if we have a heart at war or a heart at peace towards others. I realize over the years the times I have a heart at war are times I have been frustrated or controlling. It has been especially hard with specific children to remember they are individuals and important people with thoughts and opinions too. I need to daily make a decision to foster having a heart of peace towards these individuals and all people that I choose to surround myself with. Having a heart of peace is an interesting decision that is individual but affects everyone around us.

"Finishers Wanted"

President Monson gave a talk once where he spoke about a sign in a furniture store window. The sign read "Finishers Wanted." “In life, as in business, there has always been a need for those persons who could be called finishers. Their ranks are few, their opportunities many, their contributions great.”  He then taught six marks of a finisher and said that they were vital to our success. 

Mark of vision. 

Mark of effort. 

Mark of faith. 

Mark of virtue.

Mark of courage.

Mark of prayer.

I might suggest that when thinking about the future, when contemplating what your plans are and what God’s plans might be for you, you think about each of these marks. Is there an area you are struggling with? Are they a part of you? How can others’ lives be affected when they see these marks in you?

Jim Ritchie from the Launching Leaders series for my B183 course stated, "Most people fail in life because they do not understand how to balance their roles and responsibilities." I might add also because they do not have enough faith in themselves or their Heavenly Father. I believe that one must understand who they are and what they are required to do. Yes, we each have responsibilities that we must fulfill. As parents, friends, homeowners, employees, business people, or members of a religion. But I also firmly believe that there is so much more to life than the drudgery of what is expected of us. So many people settle for where they just end up, there is more than this. God put us here to learn and grow. The prophets have said that He is willing to hand over everything He has to us. I want to be worthy of all of that. I don't know exactly why I am in school or what I will do with my degree, but I know God is leading my life. I know that he is helping me to understand that his vision of my capabilities is greater than my own. There must be trust between us. I must have faith in the path that is under my feet and the person I am following. Then I can more fully understand my roles and responsibilities in each facet of life, and I will have the strength to reach this greater destination. I will count myself successful. I will be a finisher!

Gratitude Changes Everything

Little Heidi has been using such good manners. At three years old she remembers to say 'please and thank you' better than my older children. It kind of takes my by surprise sometimes but it always makes me smile.

I work with the elementary school choir and there is a woman that comes to help. She is the speech specialist for the school. She has given advice to me and the other director -who happens to be her daughter- and it is so good. She always encourages us not to say anything negative but to point out the positive to the children. I want to incorporate this into my family life. As a mother it is so hard being positive and showing gratitude. I feel like I have to point out the things they are doing wrong, that's my job isn't it? Au, contraire! Your job is to teach, lead, exemplify. In order to do this you must show gratitude.
Thomas S. Monson said, "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." 

Life will take it's turns and while I am doing all that I can to prepare for what comes wether it be with family, or as an entrepreneur the words of the song Count Your Many Blessings come to mind. Gratitude is a personal choice even when other life problems may seem to be dealt to us.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

"It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part." -Jeffrey R. Holland

There is really so much to learn from history. Our own and others'. My favorite books are biographies, or histories that show determination, sacrifice, love, and peace through trials. These books remind me that we each face frustrations, but also they offer evidence that God blesses us with light and knowledge along the way to handle it. Sometimes that means we must be creative and use our own wisdom as we work at going around, under, over, or through the hardship. Jeffrey R. Holland is one of my favorite speakers and he puts into words what we must do. "It is as true now as when Solomon said it that “where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). If your eyes are always on your shoelaces, if all you can see is this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, then it really is quite easy to throw in the towel and stop the fight. But what if it is the fight of your life? Or more precisely if it is the fight for your life, your eternal life at that? What if beyond this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, you really can see and can hope for all the best and right things that God has to offer? Oh, it may be blurred a bit by the perspiration running into your eyes, and in a really difficult fight one of the eyes might even be closing a bit, but faintly, dimly, and ever so far away you can see the object of it all. And you say it is worth it, you do want it, you will fight on. Like Coriantumr, you will lean upon your sword to rest a while, then rise to fight again (see Ether 15:24–30)." 

Let this be a reminder that all the small steps you take or overcome today will lead you to greater things. Greater than you can imagine! For God loves you and has great things in store for you.

DC 64:33-34 says, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days."

Honesty is the Best Policy

I have an amazing brother-in-law that has great entrepreneurial skills. He has opened multiple home healthcare businesses and also manages a top-of-the-line rehabilitation center. He is very successful as a business man although, some partners over the years have made negative choices that ripple out to affect so many others. Some partners have been dishonest. They have stolen from the company, or stolen from other coworkers knowingly committing fraud. It is a tragedy for all involved when someone is deceitful. I have watched my brother-in-law rise from the sludge of these experiences to find his own way above the muck. His character has shined through to show that despite being lied to and cheated on their can be goodness in work environments and prosperity for good business.

Thinking about the kind of business woman I want to be I notice great advantages to having integrity and being honest with those involved. Having good moral qualities can be beneficial in more than just a work environment, it spreads throughout life, family, and the people we meet.

In the Beginning

I was reading in the scriptures the other day, Alma 32. Alma is teaching about comparing the word to a seed. In verse 42-43 he says,
42 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.
43 Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.
These verses show that by our faith and diligence great things can come. It would be good to consider the time involved. Alma says by and by and he also uses the word long-suffering. Enjoying the fruits of our labor in not immediate. Alternately today I read Alma chapter 37, Alma is speaking to his son  Helaman. Verse 41 says,
41 Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey;
This scripture gives me the opposite understanding. What happens without faith and diligence? Progression stops and good and marvelous works cease. These are things to be aware of.

It is always interesting to me when I study similar principles at the same time. The Lord has an interesting way of helping us learn. In my class studies this week Elder Bednar touches on faith and diligence. "My purpose today is to admonish you to use your academic opportunities to the fullest and to avoid at all costs the academic path of least resistance.  Specifically, I challenge you as a student at [BYU-I] to be diligent in both your spiritual and academic pursuits." This quote embodies what I need to do as a student and I hope that I can live up to Elder Bednar's desire for me. He promises later in his talk that the ability to have a disciplined mind helps us reason, evaluate, and discern and that these skills are essential for a happy, spiritual, and productive life. I do see the importance of changing and the good that can come from these principles.

Elder Bednar added, "In these latter days much more is required of us as children of the covenant than our money and substance.  As the Church spreads throughout the world in a rapidly changing and complex information age, may I suggest that we must consecrate unto the Lord both a faithful heart and a strong mind—a mind capable of learning and instruction and discipline and receiving revelation." I hope and pray for the guidance to have a faithful heart and strong mind for myself so that I may one day enjoy the 'fruit thereof.'