Week 6 - FAML 200

There is so much to study and remember, but I want it all. I have learned a great deal about parenting. How I can be a better parent. I really enjoyed this week, it was about punishments vs. discipline and focusing on the solutions.

l am a parent that has tried to control my kids, somewhat authoritative. My father was this way and my parenting DNA comes from my parents. I got to interview both my parents for an assignment and it was interesting the perspective they had and the one I had. My parents are and were great parents. They did what they thought was right and important as do I as a parent. Through this class and other life experiences, I am learning there are better ways, parenting is frustrating and hard and wonderful and I need to remember what the end goal these. These are not fully my children but Heavenly Father's and he has just asked me to teach them. Remember are your parenting situations "doing to or working with parenting."

"The more you try to use power to control your children, the less influence you will have in their lives." -Thomas Gordon.
"Punishment ruins any good that could come from an explanation."

When punishing I need to help the kids think about the consequences to others that they caused. Laura Ward and Janeen are really good at this. They point out to their children what others must feel and how the specific child would feel if it were them. They both turn the situations into a positive experience by encouraging their children to think of others. This helps us to become unselfish and find purpose in life. I know I am not a perfect parent and many days still struggle, but I'm learning and trying.

Week 3 - FAML 220

Whew, this week was a lot. I read a good part of two books.

Mindset by Carol Dweck and
Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute

They were both very powerful. Mindset helps me see the difference between having a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. As I read, I started seeing these mindsets pop up everywhere and I could see the effect of them.
Fixed Mindset: Brigham had his first soccer practice. The coach ran the kids hard playing games and they were dripping sweat at the end of practice. I was impressed. Then the coach had a short parent meeting. He went over everything from the uniform to the treat schedule. At the end, he started talking about the SWAT teams and how they have played for years with each other and are really very good. With all the boys listening he added, because of this, they would never win. Don't ever expect to win. I was so sad for these boys. I know the coach's thoughts were coming from a well-meaning place, but he just fixed it in their mind it doesn't matter how hard they try.
Growth Mindset: Franklin was asked to ride his bike to the small store down the street to buy a drink for a plumber friend who had done some work for us. He got home happily pulling out the drink only to find out he bought the wrong thing. He was sorrowful and felt some guilt over the experience. His father and the plumber praised his effort and willingness. This would help him realize those are important pieces for a life of success.The book about mindset teaches to praise effort not ability. Then we can link effort to success and children won't give up on things because they know effort will get them there.
With my Zoom group we talked about things that we each have wanted to stop doing but how having a growth mindset keeps us going. I know with school and parenting this is very important. A growth mindset helps me continue to keep trying and keep doing better every day.

The Anatomy of Peace is a good book that explores if we have a heart at war or a heart at peace towards others. I realize over the years the times I have a heart at war are times I have been frustrated or controlling. It has been especially hard with specific children to remember they are individuals and important people with thoughts and opinions too. I need to daily make a decision to foster having a heart of peace towards these individuals and all people that I choose to surround myself with. Having a heart of peace is an interesting decision that is individual but affects everyone around us.

Week 2 - FAML 220

There were really good reading for class this week. We studied all sorts of beginnings with parenting.

Some readings were about gender and how it is evident in babies. Male and female brains are put together, or wired differently. The readings focused in on sight and hearing and how boys are different from girls. When these things are considered then we might understand that girls hear better than boys and when looking at something boys are drawn to see things differently. Parenting is effected when I know and understand these principles.

Some of the readings talked about temperament. I thought about how I can balance my own temperament as a parent. I also studied nine points of temperament. Each of these fits into an active or passive temperament, but can also stand on their own.
Activity level
Rhythmicity
Initial response
Adaptability
Sensory threshold
Quality of mood
Intensity of reaction
Distractibility
Persistence and attention span
I rated each of my children to see if I understood where they were at in each area. Some were easy to see, others were harder to judge.

We learned about the 'goodness of fit' when it comes to parenting. Either we can change the child to fit the environment, change the environment to fit the child, or trust what we've taught our children and let them go.

Personally I learned that I cannot compare my children, to each other, or to other children. They are individuals and I need to focus on that more. The DAP (developmentally appropriate practices) help me know how to look at them this way.

We had some readings about Baumrind's parenting styles,
Permissive
Authoritative,
Authoritarian,
and Un-involved.
I enjoyed these readings. I sometimes feel guilty about what I am not doing or doing too much. It has been good to have the reminder of what each of these styles looks like and how they effect children. I can see better what I need to change to help my children in a better way.

Gratitude Changes Everything

Little Heidi has been using such good manners. At three years old she remembers to say 'please and thank you' better than my older children. It kind of takes my by surprise sometimes but it always makes me smile.

I work with the elementary school choir and there is a woman that comes to help. She is the speech specialist for the school. She has given advice to me and the other director -who happens to be her daughter- and it is so good. She always encourages us not to say anything negative but to point out the positive to the children. I want to incorporate this into my family life. As a mother it is so hard being positive and showing gratitude. I feel like I have to point out the things they are doing wrong, that's my job isn't it? Au, contraire! Your job is to teach, lead, exemplify. In order to do this you must show gratitude.
Thomas S. Monson said, "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." 

Life will take it's turns and while I am doing all that I can to prepare for what comes wether it be with family, or as an entrepreneur the words of the song Count Your Many Blessings come to mind. Gratitude is a personal choice even when other life problems may seem to be dealt to us.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Attitude On Money

I had small jobs throughout the first years of marriage and when the babies started coming. There was usually an extra few dollars for me to spend on groceries or things for the home. As I prepared to have our fifth child things changed. I didn't work anymore. Months after sweet pea was born, I was grocery shopping at the store. As I soothed my baby and pushed the shopping cart around I was overcome by the prices of food and the calculations going on in my head. Maybe I was hormonal, maybe I felt like I wasn't contributing monetarily anymore, maybe I worried about feeding and providing for our five growing children. I grew hot and dizzy. I froze momentarily trying to discern my emotions. This must be what anxiety can do to someone. It was crippling. My initial reaction was to run, grab my bag and baby and get out. Not wanting to make a scene I tried to take deep breaths and remain calm. It was difficult to convince myself that I was ok. My husband had a very good job. We had enough money to pay for the food we eat and the home we live in. This was a realization that money and I have had a rocky past with many fears involved. Since my minor attack, I have coped with these emotions by reminding myself of the great blessings given to me. We have wonderful stores that provide a variety of food and non-food items. We budget so that there is enough money for food and the necessities of life. My husband is a wonderful loving father who strives to care for his children and makes it so I can be a stay-at-home mother. Telling myself that it is a blessing to have money and be able to take care of our needs helps me to have a better attitude about earning, saving, and spending money. 

I use money almost everyday. Through my experience I have learned that I need to view money as a helpful part of life. I was reminded recently of the story in the bible, "The Good Samaritan." Money made it possible for the Samaritan to care for the injured man. He already had things to put on and bind up his wounds then, he had money to later bring to the host repaying him what was used to care for the injured man.

In "Attitude on Money" an article by Stephen W. Gibson it gives us a few rules to live by when it comes to money. 

Rule 1. Seek the Lord and have hope in him
Rule 2. Keep the commandments, that includes the temporal ones, tithing and fast offerings.
Rule 3. Think about money and plan how you can become self-reliant.
Rule 4. Take advantage of chances for learning so you will not be ignorant of these matters. Education, as President Hinckley has taught us, is the Key to Opportunity.
Rule 5. Learn the laws upon which the blessings of wealth are predicated.
Rule 6. Do not send away the naked, the hungry, the thirsty or the sick or those who are held captive.
 

What Spare Time?

Today was a great day. I ran three miles around the neighborhood, registered for next semester at BYU-I online, took little Heidi to the library for story time, completed the laundry, shopped at the store, baked two pies, babysat my five nephews, taught two piano lessons, did some homework and made a delicious dinner, all before reading and snuggling my three youngest children at their bedtime. While most days are not this productive for me as a stay at home mom, today felt great. On a side note I do feel fulfillment even when I spend the whole day playing with my children, my home, or even completing just one of the above tasks. The focus of my feelings today is on knowing that I applied myself, the part of me that reaches for more, to manage and execute each task at hand. I've been thinking about my day after reading an article by Stevenson and Gumpert called The Heart of Entrepreneurship for the Harvard Business Review it talked about what we have to offer that is of the most worth. They opened up about how much entrepreneurs are able to control and how this changes their lives and businesses when compared to corporate businesses. They said, "My most valuable assets are intelligence, energy, and experience." I think I applied those three to my day today. I was smart about how I used my time. Based on past experience I knew how to work the tasks into the time I was given, I also maintained my energy throughout the day which is irregular since daylight savings time changed a few days ago. There are many more times now where the rush of the day comes and I feel prepared to  sweep through the day. I learn in each class and through each life experience a little more about myself and my abilities. Taylor Richards Think Big video says, "Do not over or under estimate yourself. Involve the Lord and you can do anything. It is no harder to do great things than it is to do good things." So reach a little farther, for a little more.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes

As I think about changing my habits, good or bad, there are many experiences that flood my mind. Moments I wish I could change, words I would take back, help I would give. Sadly I have been a reactionary person for many years. Through the gospel of Jesus Christ I know that I am given the chance to be renewed and recieve repentance. I know that for my children, my husband, and myself I need to change to become proactive. Slowly over the last few years experiences have come into view that show me I need to make a change. I have realized that I am capable of this, but it seems so difficult. A friend once told me that when they became a parent they just made the decision never to yell or be angry. And they never did. I wish it were that easy for me. I know as I look back I have been able to make different decisions in the swell of the moment but not every time. With patience, and the Savior's love I know that each day gives me another chance to try again.

In the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey it says, "Each person has the ability to be either reactive or proactive in every situation that arises. This is the true meaning of “response-ability” - the ability to choose our own response. Proactive people are highly responsible. Proactivity means to subordinate impulses to values. Reactive people are swept away by the heat of the moment. Proactive people are driven by values that are both well thought out and internalized. Often, the most difficult circumstances become crucibles that forge our character and develop hidden reserves of strength. What matters most in life is not what happens to us, but how we respond to whatever happens."

The 7 Habits are:
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin With the End in Mind
3. First things First
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek to Understand, then be Understood
6. Create Synergy
7. Sharpen the Saw

Be a 100 Percenter!

N. Eldon Tanner told a story about a grandson that chose to keep the sabbath day holy and go to church. This grandson was proud of himself and made this choice for some time. He told his grandfather that he had been a 100 percenter. His grandfather then promised the deacon age young man that he would pay for his mission if he continued to be a 100 percenter until that time. The boy never missed a sunday.

I appreciate the rest the sabbath day gives me. It is already a habit to attend church. This story makes me wonder about other areas of my life that are important. How can I remain a 100 percenter when it comes to these? I want to be able to say I'm a 100 percenter when it comes to other qualities such as integrity, honesty, kindness, and confidence. I worry that I postpone working on these qualities because I need money. Often I think about the good I could do if I were able to buy more or pay for more. At one point I would list to myself the things I wish I could do with the money I didn't have. I have realized the Lord does not expect me to earn money, he expects me to serve others now with what I have.

DC 64:34 says,

33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind;   

Sweet Shop

After years of waiting and watching the 'opening soon' sign the pink door finally changed to say 'we're open!' I took the kids recently to test out the product. They were overly cheerful as we walked up the rainbow painted sidewalk into the sweet shop. Kimberlee wants to go into Interior Design after High School so after we ordered a handful of desserts on the menu we sat discussing the business. We talked about the design, the layout of the building, the menu items, the flavors of the food, the competition, the prices, and the location. Then we wondered if it will last. My bet is not good. While some areas are well done others are entirely lacking.

After studying this week I wondered if the sweet shop had a business plan and what process was used. According to the Action Foundation there are three areas of knowledge that should be considered when starting a successful business. They are:

1   An in-depth knowledge of the competitive structure of an industry and a network of contacts within that industry.
2  The skills to run the daily operations of a small, rapidly growing company.
3  The ability to raise money.

If possible look at the industry you want to join. Find a job for a company that is doing something similar and learn everything you can. Hopefully following this advice and coming up with a good business plan would prevent you from failing. I would add my own advice, remember to consider the businesses you go into. What stands out and what would you change?