FAML 220 - Parenting

FAML 220 is a course I am taking this summer through BYU-I. It is a parenting class and I will journal and post about the things I am learning for my future self.

First off, they reminded us the importance of learning besides trying to get a good grade. It was a good reminder to hear and think about how I can focus more on what I am studying and how to take things into my life. I think I have come up with a couple things I need to do. I will need to pray for help with my learning and to understand what readings I am studying. I will also try to spend a good amount of time studying and pondering about what I read. Having conversations with Patrick or other parents helps me to take more into my life too.

The first week was interesting. I learned about how to tell false from truth. The class was reminded of Uchtdorf's talk about the blind men feeling and trying to explain what an elephant is. We were also told that we are 'purpose masters,' and that we should learn how to 'direct thyself' as the scriptures say. This is part of my job as a parent to teach my children to learn and direct their own lives. 

 

"Finishers Wanted"

President Monson gave a talk once where he spoke about a sign in a furniture store window. The sign read "Finishers Wanted." “In life, as in business, there has always been a need for those persons who could be called finishers. Their ranks are few, their opportunities many, their contributions great.”  He then taught six marks of a finisher and said that they were vital to our success. 

Mark of vision. 

Mark of effort. 

Mark of faith. 

Mark of virtue.

Mark of courage.

Mark of prayer.

I might suggest that when thinking about the future, when contemplating what your plans are and what God’s plans might be for you, you think about each of these marks. Is there an area you are struggling with? Are they a part of you? How can others’ lives be affected when they see these marks in you?

Jim Ritchie from the Launching Leaders series for my B183 course stated, "Most people fail in life because they do not understand how to balance their roles and responsibilities." I might add also because they do not have enough faith in themselves or their Heavenly Father. I believe that one must understand who they are and what they are required to do. Yes, we each have responsibilities that we must fulfill. As parents, friends, homeowners, employees, business people, or members of a religion. But I also firmly believe that there is so much more to life than the drudgery of what is expected of us. So many people settle for where they just end up, there is more than this. God put us here to learn and grow. The prophets have said that He is willing to hand over everything He has to us. I want to be worthy of all of that. I don't know exactly why I am in school or what I will do with my degree, but I know God is leading my life. I know that he is helping me to understand that his vision of my capabilities is greater than my own. There must be trust between us. I must have faith in the path that is under my feet and the person I am following. Then I can more fully understand my roles and responsibilities in each facet of life, and I will have the strength to reach this greater destination. I will count myself successful. I will be a finisher!

Gratitude Changes Everything

Little Heidi has been using such good manners. At three years old she remembers to say 'please and thank you' better than my older children. It kind of takes my by surprise sometimes but it always makes me smile.

I work with the elementary school choir and there is a woman that comes to help. She is the speech specialist for the school. She has given advice to me and the other director -who happens to be her daughter- and it is so good. She always encourages us not to say anything negative but to point out the positive to the children. I want to incorporate this into my family life. As a mother it is so hard being positive and showing gratitude. I feel like I have to point out the things they are doing wrong, that's my job isn't it? Au, contraire! Your job is to teach, lead, exemplify. In order to do this you must show gratitude.
Thomas S. Monson said, "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." 

Life will take it's turns and while I am doing all that I can to prepare for what comes wether it be with family, or as an entrepreneur the words of the song Count Your Many Blessings come to mind. Gratitude is a personal choice even when other life problems may seem to be dealt to us.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

"It is not what you have, but who you are. And who you are is not what you say, but what you do.” -Tom at Bain and Company

President Monson said, “What an exciting life is available for each one of us today. We can be explorers in spirit with a mandate to make this world better by discovering improved ways of living and doing things. God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the forests unfelled and the cities unbuilt. God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys and the glories of creation. True pioneers solve problems and rise to bless others by opening new frontiers and finishing the undone work God left for us to do.” This quote makes me excited to look around me and see what I have to work with. The options are endless, I am so grateful for this Earth and the good things on it. The Lord's plan really is perfect. He provided everything we would need to learn, grow, and create.

I read and watched a college conference talk by Robert Gay. It was very insightful about what is important in business and life. He pointed out that, "beyond making ends meet, whether you have little or much of this world’s goods, will never be a fundamental determining factor of personal peace and happiness, but rather it is your attitude towards wealth that will be critical." It is easy to forget that so much depends on our attitude and so little on the small tasks throughout the day. I am grateful for the small reminders to be in control and to be positive.

Charles Handy reminds us of "The purpose of a business" in an article called What's a Business For? "It is not to make a profit, full stop. It is to make a profit so that the business can do something more or better. That “something”becomes the real justification for the business." In my desire to have a business I have thought about the income I would receive. I would be foolish not to admit that there has been some excitement about the money I might gain. There have also been thoughts about the people I could help and the service I can give. This also brings me happiness. There are many positive things to do with money. Robert Gay warned that, "firms are likely to fail if they only follow the key rule of money, and look solely to maximize profits... Our aim must be to do His will, not ours, in all our spiritual as well as temporal activities." The scriptures also remind us to "seek ye first the kingdom of God," and then other blessings will be added upon us and we should have money to share with others and help the poor. Brother Gay quoted something that helps us to remember what can happen when we think of service first. This is called the Shetobreyon principle. 

“In the days of service, all things were founded, 
In the days of special privilege, they deteriorated, and 
In the days of vanity they are destroyed.” 

Attitude On Money

I had small jobs throughout the first years of marriage and when the babies started coming. There was usually an extra few dollars for me to spend on groceries or things for the home. As I prepared to have our fifth child things changed. I didn't work anymore. Months after sweet pea was born, I was grocery shopping at the store. As I soothed my baby and pushed the shopping cart around I was overcome by the prices of food and the calculations going on in my head. Maybe I was hormonal, maybe I felt like I wasn't contributing monetarily anymore, maybe I worried about feeding and providing for our five growing children. I grew hot and dizzy. I froze momentarily trying to discern my emotions. This must be what anxiety can do to someone. It was crippling. My initial reaction was to run, grab my bag and baby and get out. Not wanting to make a scene I tried to take deep breaths and remain calm. It was difficult to convince myself that I was ok. My husband had a very good job. We had enough money to pay for the food we eat and the home we live in. This was a realization that money and I have had a rocky past with many fears involved. Since my minor attack, I have coped with these emotions by reminding myself of the great blessings given to me. We have wonderful stores that provide a variety of food and non-food items. We budget so that there is enough money for food and the necessities of life. My husband is a wonderful loving father who strives to care for his children and makes it so I can be a stay-at-home mother. Telling myself that it is a blessing to have money and be able to take care of our needs helps me to have a better attitude about earning, saving, and spending money. 

I use money almost everyday. Through my experience I have learned that I need to view money as a helpful part of life. I was reminded recently of the story in the bible, "The Good Samaritan." Money made it possible for the Samaritan to care for the injured man. He already had things to put on and bind up his wounds then, he had money to later bring to the host repaying him what was used to care for the injured man.

In "Attitude on Money" an article by Stephen W. Gibson it gives us a few rules to live by when it comes to money. 

Rule 1. Seek the Lord and have hope in him
Rule 2. Keep the commandments, that includes the temporal ones, tithing and fast offerings.
Rule 3. Think about money and plan how you can become self-reliant.
Rule 4. Take advantage of chances for learning so you will not be ignorant of these matters. Education, as President Hinckley has taught us, is the Key to Opportunity.
Rule 5. Learn the laws upon which the blessings of wealth are predicated.
Rule 6. Do not send away the naked, the hungry, the thirsty or the sick or those who are held captive.
 

What Spare Time?

Today was a great day. I ran three miles around the neighborhood, registered for next semester at BYU-I online, took little Heidi to the library for story time, completed the laundry, shopped at the store, baked two pies, babysat my five nephews, taught two piano lessons, did some homework and made a delicious dinner, all before reading and snuggling my three youngest children at their bedtime. While most days are not this productive for me as a stay at home mom, today felt great. On a side note I do feel fulfillment even when I spend the whole day playing with my children, my home, or even completing just one of the above tasks. The focus of my feelings today is on knowing that I applied myself, the part of me that reaches for more, to manage and execute each task at hand. I've been thinking about my day after reading an article by Stevenson and Gumpert called The Heart of Entrepreneurship for the Harvard Business Review it talked about what we have to offer that is of the most worth. They opened up about how much entrepreneurs are able to control and how this changes their lives and businesses when compared to corporate businesses. They said, "My most valuable assets are intelligence, energy, and experience." I think I applied those three to my day today. I was smart about how I used my time. Based on past experience I knew how to work the tasks into the time I was given, I also maintained my energy throughout the day which is irregular since daylight savings time changed a few days ago. There are many more times now where the rush of the day comes and I feel prepared to  sweep through the day. I learn in each class and through each life experience a little more about myself and my abilities. Taylor Richards Think Big video says, "Do not over or under estimate yourself. Involve the Lord and you can do anything. It is no harder to do great things than it is to do good things." So reach a little farther, for a little more.

Will You Be Good or Great?

I am a good gardener. Once the sun shines in the spring my hands begin to be busy about the yard, pulling new green weeds and gathering twigs and dead leaves as the wind blows. I am a good baker. Each week I make delicious meals for my family taking time to mold loaves of fresh bread or pull warm cookies from the oven as the kids come home from school. There can often be found a recent cookbook or a gardening magazine by my bedside. I find no desire to take classes or learn what I need to quickly catapult my abilities. In both these cases I am ok with being good, or good enough. I am still learning how to improve my skills but not at a rate that would make me great. Interestingly Jim Collins said that "good is an enemy to great, good is easy." Many people when they get to good they stop. The motivation ends to do or be something great. While I am ok with being good at planting a vegetable garden or baking an apple pie there are areas I want to be great at. I try ceaselessly to be a great parent. I devote all my extra time to being a great student and getting the best grades. The difference between being good or great might even just be time. Do we make the most of our time, do we use it wisely to learn and grow, to become better than before?

The desire to do something great has crossed my mind. That is why I am in school waking early each day to complete assignments online. That is why I spend time with my children, going to their events, helping them with homework, playing games with them. I want something more from this life. I want meaning. I want greatness. My prayer is that I will find it. Amidst all of the daily frustrations and joys I hope that I will find greatness. Maybe it won't be in creating a business or leading others, maybe it will just be inside me, but it will be there nontheless.

"It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part." -Jeffrey R. Holland

There is really so much to learn from history. Our own and others'. My favorite books are biographies, or histories that show determination, sacrifice, love, and peace through trials. These books remind me that we each face frustrations, but also they offer evidence that God blesses us with light and knowledge along the way to handle it. Sometimes that means we must be creative and use our own wisdom as we work at going around, under, over, or through the hardship. Jeffrey R. Holland is one of my favorite speakers and he puts into words what we must do. "It is as true now as when Solomon said it that “where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). If your eyes are always on your shoelaces, if all you can see is this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, then it really is quite easy to throw in the towel and stop the fight. But what if it is the fight of your life? Or more precisely if it is the fight for your life, your eternal life at that? What if beyond this class or that test, this date or that roommate, this disappointment or that dilemma, you really can see and can hope for all the best and right things that God has to offer? Oh, it may be blurred a bit by the perspiration running into your eyes, and in a really difficult fight one of the eyes might even be closing a bit, but faintly, dimly, and ever so far away you can see the object of it all. And you say it is worth it, you do want it, you will fight on. Like Coriantumr, you will lean upon your sword to rest a while, then rise to fight again (see Ether 15:24–30)." 

Let this be a reminder that all the small steps you take or overcome today will lead you to greater things. Greater than you can imagine! For God loves you and has great things in store for you.

DC 64:33-34 says, "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days."

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes

As I think about changing my habits, good or bad, there are many experiences that flood my mind. Moments I wish I could change, words I would take back, help I would give. Sadly I have been a reactionary person for many years. Through the gospel of Jesus Christ I know that I am given the chance to be renewed and recieve repentance. I know that for my children, my husband, and myself I need to change to become proactive. Slowly over the last few years experiences have come into view that show me I need to make a change. I have realized that I am capable of this, but it seems so difficult. A friend once told me that when they became a parent they just made the decision never to yell or be angry. And they never did. I wish it were that easy for me. I know as I look back I have been able to make different decisions in the swell of the moment but not every time. With patience, and the Savior's love I know that each day gives me another chance to try again.

In the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey it says, "Each person has the ability to be either reactive or proactive in every situation that arises. This is the true meaning of “response-ability” - the ability to choose our own response. Proactive people are highly responsible. Proactivity means to subordinate impulses to values. Reactive people are swept away by the heat of the moment. Proactive people are driven by values that are both well thought out and internalized. Often, the most difficult circumstances become crucibles that forge our character and develop hidden reserves of strength. What matters most in life is not what happens to us, but how we respond to whatever happens."

The 7 Habits are:
1. Be Proactive
2. Begin With the End in Mind
3. First things First
4. Think Win-Win
5. Seek to Understand, then be Understood
6. Create Synergy
7. Sharpen the Saw

Be a 100 Percenter!

N. Eldon Tanner told a story about a grandson that chose to keep the sabbath day holy and go to church. This grandson was proud of himself and made this choice for some time. He told his grandfather that he had been a 100 percenter. His grandfather then promised the deacon age young man that he would pay for his mission if he continued to be a 100 percenter until that time. The boy never missed a sunday.

I appreciate the rest the sabbath day gives me. It is already a habit to attend church. This story makes me wonder about other areas of my life that are important. How can I remain a 100 percenter when it comes to these? I want to be able to say I'm a 100 percenter when it comes to other qualities such as integrity, honesty, kindness, and confidence. I worry that I postpone working on these qualities because I need money. Often I think about the good I could do if I were able to buy more or pay for more. At one point I would list to myself the things I wish I could do with the money I didn't have. I have realized the Lord does not expect me to earn money, he expects me to serve others now with what I have.

DC 64:34 says,

33 Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind;   

Sweet Shop

After years of waiting and watching the 'opening soon' sign the pink door finally changed to say 'we're open!' I took the kids recently to test out the product. They were overly cheerful as we walked up the rainbow painted sidewalk into the sweet shop. Kimberlee wants to go into Interior Design after High School so after we ordered a handful of desserts on the menu we sat discussing the business. We talked about the design, the layout of the building, the menu items, the flavors of the food, the competition, the prices, and the location. Then we wondered if it will last. My bet is not good. While some areas are well done others are entirely lacking.

After studying this week I wondered if the sweet shop had a business plan and what process was used. According to the Action Foundation there are three areas of knowledge that should be considered when starting a successful business. They are:

1   An in-depth knowledge of the competitive structure of an industry and a network of contacts within that industry.
2  The skills to run the daily operations of a small, rapidly growing company.
3  The ability to raise money.

If possible look at the industry you want to join. Find a job for a company that is doing something similar and learn everything you can. Hopefully following this advice and coming up with a good business plan would prevent you from failing. I would add my own advice, remember to consider the businesses you go into. What stands out and what would you change?