Whew, this week was a lot. I read a good part of two books.
Mindset by Carol Dweck and
Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute
They were both very powerful. Mindset helps me see the difference between having a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. As I read, I started seeing these mindsets pop up everywhere and I could see the effect of them.
Fixed Mindset: Brigham had his first soccer practice. The coach ran the kids hard playing games and they were dripping sweat at the end of practice. I was impressed. Then the coach had a short parent meeting. He went over everything from the uniform to the treat schedule. At the end, he started talking about the SWAT teams and how they have played for years with each other and are really very good. With all the boys listening he added, because of this, they would never win. Don't ever expect to win. I was so sad for these boys. I know the coach's thoughts were coming from a well-meaning place, but he just fixed it in their mind it doesn't matter how hard they try.
Growth Mindset: Franklin was asked to ride his bike to the small store down the street to buy a drink for a plumber friend who had done some work for us. He got home happily pulling out the drink only to find out he bought the wrong thing. He was sorrowful and felt some guilt over the experience. His father and the plumber praised his effort and willingness. This would help him realize those are important pieces for a life of success.The book about mindset teaches to praise effort not ability. Then we can link effort to success and children won't give up on things because they know effort will get them there.
With my Zoom group we talked about things that we each have wanted to stop doing but how having a growth mindset keeps us going. I know with school and parenting this is very important. A growth mindset helps me continue to keep trying and keep doing better every day.
The Anatomy of Peace is a good book that explores if we have a heart at war or a heart at peace towards others. I realize over the years the times I have a heart at war are times I have been frustrated or controlling. It has been especially hard with specific children to remember they are individuals and important people with thoughts and opinions too. I need to daily make a decision to foster having a heart of peace towards these individuals and all people that I choose to surround myself with. Having a heart of peace is an interesting decision that is individual but affects everyone around us.
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